To my sweet little Afton,
It’s been a few months since I have written you here, although it’s everyday that I think of you. Every single day for the rest of my life. It’s really hard not to be sad when I think of you. You really are a gift to us, and a gift should only be happy.
We have never had a busier Summer. It has been such a blessing to have the distraction. I really have to compartmentalize my emotions to enjoy it all. Having so much on my plate to keep us all busy has been so good for us. This Summer was amazing, so many wonderful memories were made together. It’s crazy because I know you were with us all along.
On each trip we took together, a butterfly would fly by us, and I would think of you. It really was amazing how it would always be at the most happy times like when we were sitting on the rocky beach of Whitefish Lake, or when we just pulled up to my Grandma’s house and she was coming out to greet us on her front porch, or when your Dad and I were in Annie’s Canyon in Lake Powell. It’s crazy because we will look at each other when we see the little butterfly and we all just know. It’s our way of thinking of you together. I’m not sure what we will do during the cold months when butterflies aren’t out, we will have to find something else.
This year is going by so fast, and I always have your birthdate in the back of my mind. Anticipating how I will feel, thinking of our week with you here. Nothing has changed us more.
I recently watched the sweetest little video by my friend Kylie and I couldn’t hold back the tears, knowing the joys of finally bringing a baby home from the NICU when we did with your sister Avery 9 years ago, and how much we wanted to bring you home with us too.
I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw this funny gift of charity through ugly flamingo plates. Oh the emotional rollercoaster it is to lose someone you love. To have friends that bring you ugly plates to break is quite possibly the most thoughtful and funny gift. Losing you has solidified with me that people are good.
I love you so much my little Afton Jean. I think of you always.
More letters to my sweet little Afton Jean as I make my way through this first year missing her: