My Little Sweet Afton,
It’s been 6 months since you were here with us. We just celebrated Memorial Day, a day that holds so much more meaning to me now that you have passed. It’s weird how I anticipate with worry how I will feel on these dates and holidays coming up during this first year, when so far, the actual day of the holidays I am fine. It’s the other days, the ordinary days that seem to be harder. We had a sweet visit on Sunday night inviting all of our family on the Bigler side up to visit your grave. It was the first visit for most of the cousins. I hope to make it a tradition.
One of the hardest things for me is watching all of your little cousins that were born the same year as you celebrate all of their firsts. I will always wonder what you would be like if you were here, seeing them go through each stage of life. I want to honor you through loving and celebrating them.
The biggest challenge for me is trying so hard to make losing you have a positive affect on my life. It would be so easy to let it do the opposite. Someday we will all learn why everything happened the way it did, why you were needed somewhere else, why we couldn’t keep you here with us. Until then, I want to always remember all the good that came from your short life here. You brought out so much good in all the lives that you touched. You have had more of an impact on my life in the one week you were here than anyone. I am a better person because of you. I am so much more aware and sensitive to others going through hard things, which is such a gift.
During the week you were here, I received the best advice. When I was just starting with the “what ifs” and the “if onlys” someone said to me to change the “what ifs” and the “if onlys” to thank yous. It has helped me so much.
So, thank you. Thank you for letting me be your mom. Thank you for giving me the honor. What an honor it is.
I love you so much.