My intention with this post is to share sympathy gift ideas with you in case you have a friend lose a loved one and you want to do something.
We received such a flood of support and love during this trying time, and I wanted to share a few of the things that I have loved with you. There have been too many to list everything here, and doing a post like this is intimidating for fear that I will leave something out. Just know that everything was so greatly appreciated.
If there is any one good thing that this blog has done for us, it would be sharing Afton’s story. It has been so nice to be able to tell her story in our words…once. Yes, I look forward to sharing and talking about her often, but to be able to tell how everything happened, right after it happened and reach all of our loved ones (including you all), without having to retell it on the phone, is amazing.
Also the dear friends I have made through this blog who shared Afton’s story with their readers and invited them to donate money to our family. One of the hardest realities to face through this whole experience is the hospital expenses that piled up through the month that I was at the hospital and the week that Afton was in the NICU; without a sweet baby at home to show for it.
Allison of Petit Elefant, Laurie of Tip Junkie, Brittany of Love Stitched, Tam of Sew Dang Cute, Cheri of I am Momma Hear Me Roar along with Harrison of Groop Dealz all raised money through their social media reach to help us make a dent in our hospital bills. This act of kindness is so incredibly nice and I want to thank all of them and any of you who donated. (Thank you!)
I am changed through this whole experience in so many ways, but one of the ways, is my sensitivity to people who have experienced the loss of someone they love. You really never know what it is like until you have experienced it yourself, but to be sensitive and supportive to those who have, is a gift. It really doesn’t take much to let them know that you care and that you are thinking of them. Just a sincere hand written card in the mail means so much. As much as I am such a big fan of all the ways to communicate online, there is just something special about a card in the mail. With the busyness of the holiday season, it was so touching to see a little handwritten note on a few of the Christmas cards that came our way.
So many say: “If you need anything let me know”. This is really so nice, but the truth is that the one in need most likely will never call for help. It was so appreciated to have a few dear friends just stop by with dinner. Something we could eat that night or freeze for later. Or a gift card to eat out or pick up something to bring home. Food is love…it really is.
We received beautiful flowers that were so appreciated. Both Avery and I received beautiful personalized necklaces that will always help us remember our sweet Afton. This was a special gift.
My friend Kim sent us the sweetest little wooden peg family (in the image above). I was so touched to see that she painted them just like we were dressed on the day we said goodbye to our little Afton. It’s crazy how something so simple like this, yet so personal, can mean so much.
We also received a couple of books, and one of them that I loved, was a book called Tear Soup. It’s a sweet illustrated book that helps you understand the grieving process. It’s a special book that I think everyone should read to really understand grief. Last month with everything going on, I rear-ended another car. It was just a fender bender, no one was hurt, but I have learned that through the grieving process you are more accident prone. I know that this is true, and I was almost relieved to read that, because I rarely get into accidents.
There have been a few friends who have been such a support to us through this. They have also experienced loss of loved ones and they know what it’s like. They have continued to reach out to us after everything has died down. They know that even though life just moves on for everyone else, that we are still here…not back to normal and that it will take a while to adjust to our new normal.
This video is so beautiful and helpful to me right now.
This is a beautiful post and you touched on so many of the feelings of one who has lost. I have been following only your story for awhile now and I was grateful to have your words to follow along as I lost my son last month. Thank you for sharing your story. I have been a fan of your blog for along time but your story of your sweet Afton really touches my heart.
Thank you Michelle. <3 I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet baby boy.
One thoughtful thing that someone did for me after my daughter tiptoed into the arms of the angels was bring me a roll of stamps. There were so many acknowledgement cards to send and I needed stamps. It is a small thing but it really meant a lot.
When my father unexpectedly passed away, someone sent my mom a sympathy card with a book of stamps enclosed. It really was such a thoughtful and practical gift.
That little wooden family is so sweet. I loved Tear Soup. Hope you are doing ok, Kam.
I’m not sure if you were aware that Heritage Makers has partnered with Now I Lay Thee Down to Sleep where you can make a free book of Afton. You could include the photos you have taken and the blog post you created. I made one for my husband’s brother’s family when they lost their baby. I’m no longer a Heritage Maker’s consultant, but if you don’t know of any consultants near you, I’m sure I can find one that could put that together for you.
Hi Lyndee! My neighbor works with Heritage Makers, and I am working on a book about Afton right now. Thank you! <3
I hadn’t heard this, I wonder if I could still have something done even though our daughter passes away four years ago.
Oh, Jessica! I am so sorry. If I were you, I would definitely check into it. Try going to heritagemakers.com. I will also ask my Heritage Maker friends if there’s a deadline on that.
What a great post. And I love your little wooden family. So precious!
Oh I love this! It’s so tricky to know what to do/how to help, and I love the idea of something tangible. Adorable.
I have followed your blog for a while and check back often. The sharing you’ve done has been amazing and such a touching heartfelt example and lesson — thank you for your lovely lovely posts both before and after. The tenderness with which you write is amazing and appreciated. I don’t know you personally but I’m wrapping my arms around your sweet family in a huge hug! I look forward to the continued journey with you!
Cami
Thanks Kami for sharing your thoughts and this beautiful video! I appreciate your courage and selflessness in allowing us to share this ride with you! We want to come see Avery and bring her a gift for her birthday. If you get a minute could you let me know what might work for you? We love you!!
People are so very kind. I love all the support. We got it too. We will see our little Afton again.
I too have felt the support. Great post to say thanks and share the great ideas. I can’t wait to read tear soup.
Love you beeps!
What a beautiful post! I love your wooden family! What a precious gift!
Thinking of you and your family.
Thanks for sharing this video.
Peace and strength
Oh I am so glad you shared that point! I have learned through callings at church to never say “If you need anything let me know” I will say “I want to help you, can you tell me what I can do for you?” And give them a few options. And lots of times I have to add, “And if you don’t tell me, I’ll just pick something and do it!” And I always do. No one needs a flake when they are going through a hard time. It sometimes can just really hurt and make your pain even worse. In my life at least. I love that peg family and it is done perfectly, it really reminds me of you all so much!!
I love this post because it shows how surrounded in love and support you have been. After we lost our daughter, anything that people did to acknowledge her was such a gift. She was a triplet so it was very hard for me when people glazed over her death and only congratulated us on our two survivors. The littlest mentions and thoughts mean so much. I remember, soon after we came home from the long hospital stay, someone stocked our fridge with fresh fruit and veggies. It sounds strange now but after living in the hospital for so long, fresh food seemed like a luxury and it was so thoughtful.
I love this Kami. Thanks for sharing. I too have learned to not just say “let me know if you need help…” Thanks for the reminder to serve more diligently. I’m so glad you are surrounded by those who love you and were able to be there for you during this time. Thoughts and prayers are still with you. Hugs!
Love your post Kami. It’s so true that people sometimes just don’t know what to do or say when one looses a baby. I have learned that saying sorry is something and better then ignoring the person because you don’t know what to say when you see them. I had a friend ask me everytime she saw me how I was feeling, how is the baby, etc. But when I miscarried she completely ignored me. I was so hurt by that. It would’ve been so nice if all she said was sorry. I learned that she most likely didn’t know what to say to me and felt awkward. Dinners were so nice and thoughful! And it’s true… just go and do don’t say call if you need anything- just do it, do something right then.
I love your family figurines. Angels and bells at Christmas time remind me of my sweet angel baby. My sister gave me and each of my kids an angel figurine and my mom gave me bells (there’s a spiritual story behind that). Thinking of you… xo I would love to read that book.
What an awesome present that peg doll family is. So thoughtful.
What wonderful gifts, it is amazing the things people who have been through these trials before bring that really help. Some advice we got after my sister passed was never to make any life changing decision in the first year. That was so true my mom painted her house some crazy colors that first year. The other gift that made some days o.k. was a cold eye pack, this helped ease the burn you feel in your eyes after a good long cry. Your family seems so strong and focused on what matters most, I hope you continue the feel that through the year.
I love the peg family… that is so sweet. And the necklaces… what a sweet reminder for you and Avery. I think I want to order that “Tear Soup” book. There are so many things I can learn about how to help others with their grieving.
I hope you know that we are thinking and praying for your family. I am always here for anything
I too visit your blog often and am inspired by your family and touched by your story. Thank you for being brave enough to share it with us and talk openly about your feelings. It is a very hard thing to lose a loved one especially when it is a child. I myself have not had to experience this trial but I wanted to share a gift that I have given to a couple of friends who too have lost a child. For a small amount you can actually buy a STAR and name it after the little one. You can choose the birth date and the star dedicated will be in the sky of that time of year (if that makes sense). You will receive a certificate and a star map. There are different packages you can choose that include different mementos. If anyone is interested here is the link. http://www.starregistry.com/index.cfm
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it is helpful to know, and I’d never heard of that book, have to check that out.
This is one thing I always struggle with – what is enough, what gives the genuine message that you care?
That peg family is wonderful. Thanks for sharing these ideas, Kami.
I am a new found follower of yours, and was intrigued by the crafty post from Baby Center regarding your candy bar parties. However i was immediately pulled in regarding your story. You show such strength and courage during this unthinkable time for you and your family. Reading your story, gives me faith and hope that through the love of our friends and family we can get through anything.
On a side note…i am thrilled to see another fan of “paper craft” stuff!! In a world of digital and high tech creativity, it is nice to see that this is not a ‘lost’ art!
Sooo excited to dig deeper into your site and see all your amazing ideas. The few that i have already found are fabulous! Cant wait to see more 
Kami- I started following your story through another blog that was asking for prayers for your family. Little did I know that I would lose my precious 9 year old daughter on Dec 9, 2011 after a surgery she got septis and in just a few short days my entire existence changed forever. I too am so blessed to know she is in heaven and I will see her again one day. I have learned through a support group of parents who have lost a child that it doesn’t matter if your child never took a single breath, lived 9 short years or was 18, we all loved our babies the same and will never be the same again. But great friends and family and a strong belief in God will get us through. I appreciate your honesty and your helping others through your story. My beautiful little Kenzie can give your precious Afton a big kiss in heaven.
This post makes me cry. I love you so much friend. I pray for you often and I am so happy that your little peg family is helping make you smile. You are loved. Dearly. xoxo